Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Some times life...

Another day passes and a new one begins, as you wake in the AM you think back on the past day. Depending on the pain or the joy if offered you go onto this new day. Then you wonder what it will bring.

For me it is always a surprise. You see when you have many other people depending on you; their moods will create your day.
Today my children, wife woke to good feelings. They were excited for the day to start. I took them to school. Everything seemed to be going good.

Kissed my wife good day.. and then...

I realize I forgot to give the children lunch money. Damn. I worry about them not eating. What will they do? Hopefully they will get money from a friend. But today my daughter is on a field trip. SO what will she do? Hmmm Damn.

Then the phone rings. Never a good sign when the kids aren't around, since the phone only rings for them.
I pick it up "hello" its my ex's boy friend. A nice enough man, good when he is with my children.. The tone in his voice is quite laid back. He asks me are you around this coming weekend? I think to myself oh shit something is wrong.
You see my ex is into her self and likes to fantasize about life. She likes to think of herself and everyone else last. She is "finding herself" She has been gone the past week at her Yoga hideaway. Well it turns out she is up seeing her ex-boy friend. And the man her boyfriend is upset and needs this weekend to spend alone to talk to her. Fine I tell him no problem. He asks me questions about her ( I try to stay away from any comunicating with her boy friends) and all I can say is I never trusted her and she only loves herself.

Anyway. Boring to you. But you see if my children go through another relationship with their mother I fear they will be lost forever. My mind and body is consumed with worry over this. I have anger towards her and fear. How do I get it through her our life now is about the children. That we have to sit back sometimes and take what ever to keep the children's minds consumed with education and being children.

I don't know why but sometimes life...

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